The Zoo... Or Should I say Hell

OKC Zoo 2017

At some point last week I got the bright idea that I should take the kids to the zoo over spring break, I'm not sure why this even sounded like a slightly good idea, I hate the zoo, I hate crowds, and typically I'm not a fan of most people, lol. Lil B definitely doesn't like crowds, most people, or animals for that matter. Nonetheless in my head it sounded like an awesome idea.
Anytime you go on any outing with Lil B, it's a coin toss as to what you are going to get. She my be the best kid ever and you would never know she is anything but your average four year old or she could spin, run, and stim all over the place before entering a nuclear meltdown. A friend recently put it as, Lil B is a box of chocolates and you just never know what you are going to get. :) She loves outside though so I thought, we can do this.
As we ended our hour and a half drive to the zoo and turned down the street, I quickly realized everyone else in Oklahoma thought the zoo sounded like a good idea too. Spring break, Friday, nicest day of the whole week... Come on Kira, how did you not see this coming?! We waited in line for almost 40 minutes to get into the "overflow" parking lot. After finally getting parked I realized most the time I can't find my car when I come out of the Walmart parking lot, how the hell was I going to find it here. I found an app to download, unloaded the kids from the van, and we were off. One small problem though, in all the brilliant ideas I had going on when deciding on this trip, I had another great one that I wasn't going to take her stroller, I was just going to rent one at the zoo. Never did I imagine being parked so far away. Parenting fail number 1 of the day! Ok... maybe number 2, I get road rage driving in OKC, they may have learned some new phrases.
Lil B was a trooper though and walked the whole way holding my hand. She has little legs and due to the autism and the chiari malformation isn't as stable and coordinated as others her age so we weren't moving fast by any means.
As we were walking I could hear this angry mom barking at her kids getting closer and closer to us. She was gaining on us with our slow pace. Don't get me wrong when I say barking at her kids, we all have those days, do your thing girl. BUT when she barked at me and Lil B with a "move it people" the mature me took over and we started walking slower and made no attempt to move out of her way. My thought was either be polite about it or here's an idea, walk around us in this huge ass parking lot!! It wasn't but a few more steps and she more angrily this time spouted "move it people, jeez!" Whelp that was it. I mean I seriously kept my cool, for me. I turned and looked at her and when she gave me the stare of the devil, I informed her I was not the person she should get attitude with and she better take her dumbass on. But hey guess who was in the line beside us when waiting to get tickets??? Yep there the ol' barkin bitch was, still glaring at me. Fun times.
We finally got in and got the stroller and then it was time for one of the biggest problems when we go anywhere at all. The restrooms. Nothing like a public restroom will bring out the germaphobe in me more. I will hold it until I am about to wet my pants before I will use a public restroom. Problem number one, Lil B hates them, I think it's the echo, she goes in sensory overload and meltsdown (this typically leads me to changing her diaper in the car or a secluded corner). Problem number two B2 is at the age (8) where he does NOT want to go into the women's bathroom and honestly probably old enough that most women don't want him to either. But like hell will I let him go into a men's room alone or wait outside the restrooms alone while I go in, so in with me he goes. Hell B1 is 13 and my anxiety still shoots through the roof when he walks into a men's room alone. I'm constantly telling him, "Be on your guard, scream, hit, kick if anyone so much as touches your shoulder." (seriously the human trafficking thing you hear so much about now scares me).
Although I despise public restrooms after two bottles of water on our drive, I was about to wet myself and Lil B needed a diaper. The boys didn't have to go. So here we go; "Boys, y'all stand right here right outside this door, your backs stay to the wall, you do not talk to anyone, you do not take a single step from this spot, if anyone approaches you or tries to grab you, you scream, hit and kick; do not hesitate." When I come out B2 tells me, my foot itched so I had to take a step to scratch it. Then he grinned at me with that evil little smart ass grin of his. SMH.
We each always have certain animals we want to see and since it was so dang crowded you could barely walk, we were going to see those animals and get the hell out of there. We attempted to see then all anyways. B2 only wanted to see the lions and they weren't out, gorillas are always my favorite and the exhibit was so crowded you couldn't really see much of anything, and B1 wanted to do the snake place but he opened the door and it was so crowded he said NOPE and turned around. That one didn't break my heart any, I hate snakes. We did get to see the giraffes though which is another favorite of mine but the line was too long to feed them. I tried so hard to get Lil B to look at the animals but I could never get her to notice them at all. I mean I expected that but it was still a little disheartening, she enjoyed just being outside riding in the stroller though. And she LOVES to ride in the car so she was all about the drive there and back lol.

Lil B and I at the giraffes

No trip to the zoo is complete without the boys and I plotting how we could take a giraffe home with us. I'm no expert but I think it could fit nicely in any vehicle as long as there was a sunroof for him to stick his head out. And no trip anywhere would be complete without B2 saying things that gets us crazy looks. When we walked through the Oklahoma animal exhibit he said things like "Oh a turkey, I could take that home for my daddy to hunt, he likes to turkey hunt.", "Hey deer, go get nice and big so I can shoot you one day while I'm hunting.", "A buffalo! I thought they were dead because all the Indians killed them? No? Man I'd like to kill one and hang it on my wall..." Never a dull moment with that kid.
Aside from the hellacious overcrowding and me wanting to run people over with the stroller, it was a fairly good day. Any time we go anywhere and Lil B has a day of no meltdowns, it's a good day! BUT the next time I say anything about going to the zoo, someone slap me! PLEASE!!!