OKC Zoo 2017

At some point last week I got the bright idea that I should take the kids to the zoo over spring break, I'm not sure why this even sounded like a slightly good idea, I hate the zoo, I hate crowds, and typically I'm not a fan of most people, lol. Lil B definitely doesn't like crowds, most people, or animals for that matter. Nonetheless in my head it sounded like an awesome idea.
Anytime you go on any outing with Lil B, it's a coin toss as to what you are going to get. She my be the best kid ever and you would never know she is anything but your average four year old or she could spin, run, and stim all over the place before entering a nuclear meltdown. A friend recently put it as, Lil B is a box of chocolates and you just never know what you are going to get. :) She loves outside though so I thought, we can do this.
As we ended our hour and a half drive to the zoo and turned down the street, I quickly realized everyone else in Oklahoma thought the zoo sounded like a good idea too. Spring break, Friday, nicest day of the whole week... Come on Kira, how did you not see this coming?! We waited in line for almost 40 minutes to get into the "overflow" parking lot. After finally getting parked I realized most the time I can't find my car when I come out of the Walmart parking lot, how the hell was I going to find it here. I found an app to download, unloaded the kids from the van, and we were off. One small problem though, in all the brilliant ideas I had going on when deciding on this trip, I had another great one that I wasn't going to take her stroller, I was just going to rent one at the zoo. Never did I imagine being parked so far away. Parenting fail number 1 of the day! Ok... maybe number 2, I get road rage driving in OKC, they may have learned some new phrases.
Lil B was a trooper though and walked the whole way holding my hand. She has little legs and due to the autism and the chiari malformation isn't as stable and coordinated as others her age so we weren't moving fast by any means.
As we were walking I could hear this angry mom barking at her kids getting closer and closer to us. She was gaining on us with our slow pace. Don't get me wrong when I say barking at her kids, we all have those days, do your thing girl. BUT when she barked at me and Lil B with a "move it people" the mature me took over and we started walking slower and made no attempt to move out of her way. My thought was either be polite about it or here's an idea, walk around us in this huge ass parking lot!! It wasn't but a few more steps and she more angrily this time spouted "move it people, jeez!" Whelp that was it. I mean I seriously kept my cool, for me. I turned and looked at her and when she gave me the stare of the devil, I informed her I was not the person she should get attitude with and she better take her dumbass on. But hey guess who was in the line beside us when waiting to get tickets??? Yep there the ol' barkin bitch was, still glaring at me. Fun times.
We finally got in and got the stroller and then it was time for one of the biggest problems when we go anywhere at all. The restrooms. Nothing like a public restroom will bring out the germaphobe in me more. I will hold it until I am about to wet my pants before I will use a public restroom. Problem number one, Lil B hates them, I think it's the echo, she goes in sensory overload and meltsdown (this typically leads me to changing her diaper in the car or a secluded corner). Problem number two B2 is at the age (8) where he does NOT want to go into the women's bathroom and honestly probably old enough that most women don't want him to either. But like hell will I let him go into a men's room alone or wait outside the restrooms alone while I go in, so in with me he goes. Hell B1 is 13 and my anxiety still shoots through the roof when he walks into a men's room alone. I'm constantly telling him, "Be on your guard, scream, hit, kick if anyone so much as touches your shoulder." (seriously the human trafficking thing you hear so much about now scares me).
Although I despise public restrooms after two bottles of water on our drive, I was about to wet myself and Lil B needed a diaper. The boys didn't have to go. So here we go; "Boys, y'all stand right here right outside this door, your backs stay to the wall, you do not talk to anyone, you do not take a single step from this spot, if anyone approaches you or tries to grab you, you scream, hit and kick; do not hesitate." When I come out B2 tells me, my foot itched so I had to take a step to scratch it. Then he grinned at me with that evil little smart ass grin of his. SMH.
We each always have certain animals we want to see and since it was so dang crowded you could barely walk, we were going to see those animals and get the hell out of there. We attempted to see then all anyways. B2 only wanted to see the lions and they weren't out, gorillas are always my favorite and the exhibit was so crowded you couldn't really see much of anything, and B1 wanted to do the snake place but he opened the door and it was so crowded he said NOPE and turned around. That one didn't break my heart any, I hate snakes. We did get to see the giraffes though which is another favorite of mine but the line was too long to feed them. I tried so hard to get Lil B to look at the animals but I could never get her to notice them at all. I mean I expected that but it was still a little disheartening, she enjoyed just being outside riding in the stroller though. And she LOVES to ride in the car so she was all about the drive there and back lol.

Lil B and I at the giraffes

No trip to the zoo is complete without the boys and I plotting how we could take a giraffe home with us. I'm no expert but I think it could fit nicely in any vehicle as long as there was a sunroof for him to stick his head out. And no trip anywhere would be complete without B2 saying things that gets us crazy looks. When we walked through the Oklahoma animal exhibit he said things like "Oh a turkey, I could take that home for my daddy to hunt, he likes to turkey hunt.", "Hey deer, go get nice and big so I can shoot you one day while I'm hunting.", "A buffalo! I thought they were dead because all the Indians killed them? No? Man I'd like to kill one and hang it on my wall..." Never a dull moment with that kid.
Aside from the hellacious overcrowding and me wanting to run people over with the stroller, it was a fairly good day. Any time we go anywhere and Lil B has a day of no meltdowns, it's a good day! BUT the next time I say anything about going to the zoo, someone slap me! PLEASE!!!

She picked her own outfit

She really enjoys running around in her birthday suit. I’m sure it has at least a bit to do with sensory issues that come with autism, she just doesn’t want to feel things on her. Kind of like she doesn’t want her hair touching her neck at all now.

It's been a while since I've wrote. I've been extremely busy, you know, the normal everyday mom stuff, plus I started back to school (gonna finally finish that degree I've started and stopped a couple of times, third times the charm, and then continue on to my masters, with any luck). So throw that into the mix and writing has reduced to random thoughts that filter through my head and get labeled as, "that would make a good blog" but are soon forgotten as one of the kids screams "MOM" while the dog pisses in the floor and something on the stove starts to burn.
Anyone who went through a little emo phase in school, I'm sure remembers the song "Down the The Sickness" by Disturbed. That one line has been playing on repeat in my head since last night:

    Until next time... ✌❤

Come on, we've all thought it. Hell if you haven't you are either lying to yourself or you haven't been a parent long enough. I would say on average I think it at least once a day about one of my little darlings; "My kid is a total asshole!"
Exhibit A:





And believe me when I say the pictures do not do this mess she made justice! Lil B has spent a majority of the last couple of days "playing" (her way of playing as she doesn't play in your typical fashion) with all her new things, so the fact that she was in her room for so long while we were all watching a movie wasn't surprising. We heard an odd noise but quickly realized it was her necklaces and bracelets that she plays with. So we thought...
The movie had a few minutes left so I watched then went in to check on her and put her clothes up, that's when I saw it. A freaking pre-k arts and crafts explosion nightmare. Rice and elbow macaroni were all over her room. The macaroni blended in with her carpet like a damn duck hunter in camouflage.
As I was cleaning it up, doing a good deal of bitching and complaining along the way, B2 decides it was a good time to come in the room and ask me where in the world his extra batteries to his remote control car went. Really kid? REALLY?!?! Just walk away!!!
I seriously don't even know that I got it all cleaned up, every time I thought I was done I would stumble across another huge pile of macaroni. Did I mention I had just bought both the macaroni and the rice? Yep, that was the cherry on top.
So yeah, my kid is an asshole. All of them are at some point and quite honestly if you think your kid is never an asshole, well then I've got news for you... you're more than likely an asshole and I'm willing to bet you're kid is quite the asshole.
In all honestly, everyone in the world is an asshole at some time or another, no one is just super nice and perfect all the time. Just because you may think your kid is being an asshole, doesn't make you a bad parent or anything of the sort, I happen to think it makes you a very aware and down to Earth parent. You can love your kid with all your heart and know that they aren't perfect. That's life. Real life anyways. It's just the facts of life...
♫You take the good, you take the bad, 
you take them both and there you have
The Facts of Life, the Facts of Life.
There's a time you got to go and show
You're growin' now you know about
The Facts of Life, the Facts of Life.♫

Thirteen years ago today, at 5:36pm CST, after 30 some odd hours of labor, I became a mom. I was only 17. And being that that was 2003, there was no insanely popular, MTV reality show to get the chance to make a buttload of money being a teen mom. I never quite viewed myself as a teen mom though, not sure why. B1 was born over Christmas break of my senior year of high school. Baby, school, work... that was my life so I'm not exactly sure why I didn't feel like a teen mom most of the time cause it certainly wasn't the "traditional" way of doing things and I was, in fact, just a teen. I think the first time it hit me that, whoa okay, maybe I'm not your typical high school senior, was at a ceremony type thing, I can't even remember the official name of it. It was for everyone in the state of Oklahoma who scored over so high on their ACT for that year, and I was lucky enough to be one of them and invited to this event. I, of course, had my baby who was about 3 or 4 months at the time it tow. I went up to this desk to check in and find out where to go and the lady seriously done a double take and gave me the most disgusted look when she seen I was holding my baby. I instantly felt a wave of shame because of her look, that passed quickly and my next thought was, "yeah I have a baby and I still managed to excel on my ACT, bitch!" There would come a few other defining "teen mom" moments, like having my son at my high school graduation or when I took him with me to an open house type thing at the college I was accepted to. Everyone had their friends that day as we went from auditorium to different buildings and they did it with ease. I was juggling my baby, his infant carrier, diaper bag, so on and so forth with building anxiety by the second.
Oh, what's that you say? I have to take my student ID photo today. By that time I had ditched the infant carrier in my adviser's office and was starting to panic because what the hell do you do with your 5 month old kid when you need to put them down but have no where to put them?!?! The complete stoner looking kid taking the pics said, "so uhh, you want me to hold it?" It? Nah, I'm good bro, thanks though. I remember laying his blanket on the floor and laying him on it craddling his head between my feet so he wouldn't have it on the hard floor. By that time I was seeing the infamous black anxiety box closing in around my vision, I took the pic, snatched up my kid and hauled ass out of there.
Now, the little large, red headed. adorable butterball that turned my life upside down is 13 today! I took him to the Thunder game Monday night for his bday. I let him get a Thunder Girls calendar, even though I tell both my boys that girls are the devil and they can't look at girls or even think about a relationship until they at least have a masters degree! He was all excited about it but of course had to be play it cool, Mr. Tough Guy when I took a picture.

This kid right here, the guy that made me a mom, is the sweetest, smartest, most kind hearted person you will ever meet. Is he perfect? Nope, no one is. He's a pain in the ass just like any other kid and does things he shouldn't all the time. He's dingy as hell, you would think he was the blonde one instead of me, but yet he's so super smart. At the end of the day, he has an amazing heart, and I pray that never changes. I love this child more than he could ever know!!

12/23/2003, the day my world changed. 12/23/2016, the day I realized I'm getting old and now have a teenager that is going to cause my hair to start falling out at a more rapid pace.

For the most part, I have made peace with the fact that there's just some things Lil B won't ever do. Most of the time they're ridiculous things that I'm the only one that cares about and I don't let it bother me much anymore. Every now and then though, it jumps up and bites me in the ass. What's "it"? A strange feeling really... anxiety, sorrow, anger, hurt, followed by feeling like a complete jerk for feeling that way over something that shouldn't matter. It sneaks up on you.
I was scrolling through my fb, searching for a picture of something and I came across this: